Mamie: Twelve-year-old girl or Great-Grandmother?

How do I even begin to tell her story? Domenica Privitera (Mamie) was a great-grandmother (but probably not in her lifetime), a grandmother, mother, and obviously, she was once a young girl. Sometimes we lose sight of that realization - that all the old people in our lives were once young. Recently, during an interview (!!) I was asked why I chose to begin Mamie's and Zina's stories when they were twelve. I guess that's an age I feel is most relatable. It's an age that is on the brink of adulthood, when we realize our future lies ahead and we are excited and anxious and impatient. It's an age when we don't yet have autonomy or authority over ourselves but we think we should. It's an age when everything is possible yet nothing is possible.

Maybe for you that age is slightly younger or older, but you know what I mean, right? I can recall myself at twelve, starting a new school and puberty, wondering about the future. It doesn't matter if the year was 1895, 1930, or 1981, facing uncertainty is ageless. We may want to grow up, but we are not sure how.

When I look at this picture of Mamie as a young woman, likely taken around 1903 when she first arrived in NY, or in 1905 after the family photo shoot when they all arrived and were reunited, I wonder about her. They didn't take other individual pictures, only hers. Was it meant for her betrothed? It's possible. But it appears to me she is posing in such a way as to portray an air of sophistication and poise, polish, and beauty, and I wonder, was this the real Mamie?

Tell me what you see. (Really, I'd love for you to comment!) Do you get the sense that she was comfortable in these clothes? Do you think she was vain or modest? Would she have seen this picture taken of her and said, "oh my, how glamorous I really am," or would she consider the whole exercise frivolous and wonder why she accommodated whoever it was that talked her into taking this picture in the first place.

Of course, how can we really know what she thought, right? But with a little insight from the facts I could gather and a little more imagination, I found a way to relate to and appreciate a woman who was so important in my grandma's life.

Now, here are those facts.

Fact One: Her birth information

When Mamie was born on March 15, 1883, her father, Alfio, was 24, and her mother, Maria, was 20.

Here is her birth record from the church in Pedara, Santa Caterina di Alessandria, in Sicily. We find here her parents' father's names. This helped us to build the family tree. We also found out that her father, Alfio's mother's name was also Domenica, and she was named for her. Honoring their parents was an important family tradition, we see that in another one of my blogs - about Domenico - as well.

Fact Two: She was the oldest

I can relate - I am also the oldest in my family. Does the oldest typically have a certain personality? More responsibility? I think so. She might have been a mother's helper when her other siblings were born. She might have been sent on errands and asked to help around the house. Her parents may have been trying to figure out how to do the "how do we parent all these children" thing, and she was the guinea pig. There is definately something to birth order, and it likely shaped who she was. She might have been a hard worker with not that much time for herself.

Fact Three: The family moved when she was fourteen

Through her siblings' birth records we were able to trace the years the family lived in Pedara, and then we found, at the next birth, they lived in Regalbuto. I wrote about this in another blog:

So sometime after Stella was born and before Alfia, the family moved from Pedara to Regalbuto. This must not have been an easy move, since the towns were almost a ten hour walk away from each other. Why the family decided to up and move is a mystery. I imagined they would only do so if they needed to start over for some reason. It must have been a very stressful time.

So back to her being the oldest. It's likely she felt all the anxiety her parents felt. If there were financial troubles, she would have been old enough to work and contribute. She might have been dutiful and helpful. She was a young girl growing up in Pedara and moving to Regalbuto, the oldest of eight siblings - at the time. It might have been a very big deal, to move this far with such a big family.

Fact Four: (Would involve spoilers)

I don't want to spoil the book for you if you haven't read it!! Two important events of Mamie's life that I included in the book were based on pieces of information that my grandma Zina told me about her. That's as close to a reliable source as I could possibly get, those events did not get recorded in church records, I'll say that much. But because of these events, her innocence would have been erased. I'm sure this changed the way she viewed the world.

Fact Five: She came to America

We found Mamie's ship record when she arrived in NY in 1903. She came with her father and the second oldest, her sister Rose. The rest of the family stayed in Sicily. This was an interesting fact; they did not all come at once. They came in waves, a group in 1904 then the rest in 1905; it seemed to be very systematic and planned out. It did make us wonder if financial reasons played a part in this decision. But how would this have effected Mamie?

Did Mamie look thrilled to be in America in the photo I showed at the start of our discussion? Was she ready to take on the adventure? She didn't look very happy to me, she looked a bit complacent, sullen, obliging; so from these impressions, and those I gathered from the other facts we talked about, my stories about who Mamie might have been unfolded.

I do wish I had all the facts. I wish I could turn back time and ask the right questions.

I hope anyone reading this feels the need to contact loved ones and spend some time. Ask about life; shed light with details, share truth and experiential wisdom.

Otherwise, one day, all anyone will have left is wonder.